Friendships can be some of the most fulfilling relationships we have, but they can also be deeply painful when misunderstandings or differences arise. Today, I’m writing with a heavy heart, grappling with the hurt that comes when a close friend and I find ourselves on opposite sides of a conversation that cuts to the core of who we are.
Recently, a group of us—friends who care deeply about her—shared with her about a Christian psychiatrist we thought could help with some health and mental struggles she’s been facing. What we intended as an act of love was perceived differently. She shared that our faith perspectives—hers being progressive Christianity and ours more evangelical—created a gap she felt deeply.
Her reaction struck a chord. Faith is central to my life, so feeling like our concern was misunderstood was painful. Reflecting on our friendship, I realize this isn’t the first time I’ve struggled to navigate her sensitivities. Her triggers can be unpredictable, which has made me cautious about what I say. While I want to respect her feelings, it’s been emotionally draining to feel I can’t fully express myself.
In that weariness, I turned to God. I brought my hurt and confusion to Him in prayer, trusting that He could handle what I couldn’t. Surrendering wasn’t easy, but as I let go, I felt His peace replacing my pain.
Walking Through Hurt with Scripture
In moments like this, I’m reminded of Paul’s words in Romans 12:18:
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
This verse encourages me to pursue peace, but not at the cost of my emotional health. Sometimes, the most loving thing we can do is step back, pray, and entrust our relationships to God.
I also find comfort in Psalm 34:18:
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
God sees my pain, and He understands. He also sees my friend’s heart and her struggles. While I don’t have all the answers, I trust Him to work in both of us through this difficult season.
Drawing Healthy Boundaries
One of the hardest lessons I’m learning is how to draw boundaries with love. It feels counterintuitive to step back from someone I care about, but I know it’s necessary for both of us. Here’s what I’m trying to practice:
- Communicate Clearly but Kindly
I’ve learned to express my needs with honesty and gentleness, using “I” statements to avoid blame.
Example:
“I care about you deeply, but I’ve realized I need some space to process my emotions and thoughts. This doesn’t mean I don’t value our friendship—I just need time to step back for a while.” - Acknowledge the Differences
It helps to recognize that we may not see things the same way and affirm that it’s okay.
Example:
“I know we see some things differently, and that’s okay. I want to honor where you are, and I hope you can do the same for me.” - Define the Space You Need
Boundaries look different for everyone. For me, it means limiting heavy conversations and focusing on shared, lighter interests.
Example:
“For now, I’d like to avoid conversations about faith that could feel heavy for either of us. Let’s focus on the things we both enjoy when we connect.” - Stick to Your Boundaries
It’s important to maintain boundaries with consistency and kindness.
Example:
“I appreciate you reaching out, but I’m not ready to have this conversation yet. Let’s keep things light for now.” - Pray Through It
This is the most important step. I’m asking God daily for wisdom, strength, and a heart that stays soft and loving.
- Communicate Clearly but Kindly
Friendship isn’t always easy, especially when faith becomes a dividing line. Right now, I’m in the middle of this story, and it’s hard. But surrendering my hurt to God has reminded me that I don’t have to carry this alone. His peace is enough for today, and His grace is enough for tomorrow.
