Sometimes, the most profound realizations in life aren’t grand or immediate. They come quietly, through layers of reflection, catching you off guard with their simplicity yet striking you deeply with their truth. Recently, during a therapy session, I experienced one of these moments. It wasn’t just about uncovering what had been holding me back—it was about seeing myself with clarity for the first time in my journey of self-discovery and understanding that the way forward required not just change, but grace.
The Cage I Didn’t Know Existed
For a long time, I believed I was doing all the right things. I had moved out, built a family, and kept a healthy distance from my mom, with whom I had a complicated relationship growing up. On the surface, my life seemed fine—happy, even. But in therapy, I came to see that I had unknowingly caged myself.
I had built invisible walls over the years, thinking they were keeping me safe. In reality, they were keeping me small. I stopped trying, dreaming, or venturing beyond the boundaries I’d created for myself. I was like the elephant in the familiar story, chained as a baby and unable to break free, even as an adult capable of doing so. I had stopped pulling at the rope, convinced it would hold me.
The Weight of Expectations
As I began to reflect on this, I realized my cage wasn’t just about my past relationships—it was also about the expectations I had set for myself. I had built a life of rigid rules that left little room for grace:
- You must make consistent progress on personal projects.
- You must be asleep by 10:30 p.m. every night.
- You must be a good mother, wife, daughter, employee.
When I didn’t meet these expectations, I felt like a failure. Instead of seeing slip-ups as part of life, I saw them as proof that I wasn’t enough. This constant pressure weighed me down—mentally, emotionally, and even physically. My chest often felt tight, and I found it hard to breathe. My body was trying to tell me something, but I hadn’t been listening.
Learning to Expand My Circle
Then came a moment of clarity: What if it’s okay to fail? What if I didn’t need to perform perfectly to be worthy of love, joy, and freedom?
As I sat with this thought, something shifted. I could almost picture myself stepping out of the cage I’d built, leaving the tight, confined space behind. Outside was a vibrant, colorful world—one filled with possibilities and growth.
For the first time in a long time, I felt like I could breathe. It wasn’t about giving up on goals or responsibilities. It was about approaching them with flexibility and grace instead of rigidity and fear.
God’s Constant Presence
In this process, one truth has been my anchor: God has been with me all along.
When I feel overwhelmed by anxiety or weighed down by self-doubt, I turn to Psalm 94:19:
“When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.”
This verse reminds me that God is always near, offering comfort and assurance. He doesn’t expect me to be perfect. He simply asks me to trust Him and take things one step at a time.
I’ve started to notice the little ways He shows up in my life—a sense of peace in a chaotic moment, an encouraging word from a friend, or an unexpected reminder of His love. These small assurances are His way of saying, I’m here. Keep going.
Moving Forward
This journey isn’t over, but I’m learning that freedom doesn’t come from perfection. It comes from trusting God, embracing growth, and giving myself permission to fail and try again.
One thing I’ve started telling myself, especially in moments of doubt, is this: It’s okay. It’s okay if this doesn’t work out. It’s okay if things don’t go as planned. It’s okay. With each repetition, I’m learning to let go of the fear of failure and rest in the knowledge that God’s grace is enough.
If you’ve ever felt caged by your own expectations or weighed down by fear of failure, know this: you’re not alone. There’s grace for you in this moment. God is with you, gently inviting you to step into the freedom He has for you.
You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to keep going—and trust that He will always be with you.
