Grief is never simple. It comes in waves, sometimes when we least expect it. The emotions that come with loss are often described in five stages—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—but grief isn’t a straight path. Sometimes we move back and forth between these emotions, and sometimes they all mix together.
I recently experienced this firsthand.
It was Chinese New Year reunion dinner when I first heard that my auntie had fallen and couldn’t attend. We assumed it was just a minor injury, something she would recover from. But just days later, we learned the truth—it was leukemia. Then, on the third day of Chinese New Year, she passed away due to multiple complications.
She was 73. She had retired a few years ago and spent her days doing what she loved—painting, gardening, baking, cooking, and caring for my uncle, who had a heart condition. He always thought he would go first. None of us expected it to be her.
Processing Grief
When I first heard the news, I couldn’t believe it. I kept hoping I’d walk into her home and see her standing in the kitchen, just like always. That was denial—a part of me refused to accept that she was really gone. It felt like she was still just on a trip, like I would see her again soon.
Then came the heaviness in my heart. I would recall memories of her, and the weight of her absence settled in. Seeing my uncle without her by his side, hearing my cousins talk about their mother in the past tense—it was overwhelming.
During the wake, as we listened to the eulogies, I couldn’t stop crying. Grief came in waves, and so did the questions. Why did God take her so soon? She was still full of life, still caring for her family. My uncle, the one with the heart condition, thought he would go first, yet it was her. Why her? Why now?
I also found myself caught in bargaining, playing the “what if” game. If only they had caught the leukemia earlier… If only she had gotten treatment sooner… If only we had spent more time together before she got sick. But I knew that no amount of wishing could change what had already happened.
The deepest sorrow came when I thought about my younger cousin, who is getting married in April. I imagined how painful it must be for her to not have her mother there for such an important moment. That sadness—depression—settled in when I thought of all the moments my auntie would miss. It wasn’t just about losing her, but about all the life events that would go on without her.
Now, nearly a month has passed. The dust seems to have settled, and life is moving on. I took my cousin out for dinner and a haircut, trying to catch up. He teared up as he sorted through my auntie’s things, afraid of forgetting how she looked. And I understood. This is what acceptance looks like—not forgetting, but learning to carry her memory forward.
Death Always Makes Me Reflect on Life
Every time I lose someone, I can’t help but think about life itself. Death reminds me of how short life is. It makes me reflect on my own life—what am I doing with it?
Am I spending my time on things that truly matter? Am I loving my family well? Am I drawing closer to God? Am I living in a way that honors Him?
Psalm 90:12 says:
“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”
We don’t know how much time we have left. But we can choose to live meaningfully today—to love, to serve, to be present.
Finding Comfort in Knowing Where We Are Going
One of the greatest comforts I had during this time was knowing that my auntie is now with the Lord. The pastor at the wake reminded us that her suffering was short—just ten days—and now she is at peace. This truth doesn’t erase grief, but it gives it perspective.
In John 14:1-3, Jesus assures us:
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.”
Grief with hope is different from grief without it. Yes, we feel the pain of loss, but we also trust that this is not the end.
How Do We Heal from Grief?
Moving on after loss is one of the hardest things to do. Grief doesn’t come with a deadline, and healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means learning to carry the love and memories forward in a way that allows us to keep living fully.
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings – It’s Okay to Grieve
Grief is not something to be rushed. Some days, you might feel okay; other days, a small memory can bring back a wave of sadness. And that’s completely normal.
Psalm 34:18 reminds us:
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
God is not asking us to “move on” quickly. He is walking with us in our grief, holding us in our sorrow. Allow yourself to feel what you need to feel.
2. Talk About It – Don’t Grieve Alone
Sharing grief with someone—a friend, family member, or pastor—can help lighten the burden. You don’t have to go through this alone. Talking about your auntie, sharing memories, and even crying together with others who loved her can be a healing process.
Galatians 6:2 says:
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
Your grief is lighter when shared.
3. Remember and Honor Their Life
One of the hardest things about grief is the fear of forgetting. My cousin teared up as he went through old photos, afraid that he would forget how she looked. That’s a real and painful part of loss. But we don’t have to forget.
Here are some ways to honor her memory:
- Keep a journal of memories or lessons she taught you.
- Continue a tradition she loved—maybe baking, gardening, or something she enjoyed.
- Look at photos, and when you’re ready, talk about them with family.
- Pray and thank God for the time you had with her.
4. Move Forward Without Guilt
Feeling joy again doesn’t mean you loved them any less. Jesus wept when Lazarus died (John 11:35), but He also knew the hope of resurrection.
Your loved one would want you to keep living, to find joy again, to love your family, to continue making memories.
5. Lean on God for Strength
Healing from grief is not about forgetting—it’s about finding peace in God’s presence. Some days will be harder than others, but God promises to carry us through.
Matthew 5:4
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
Keep praying, keep trusting. God is with you in your grief, and He will guide you toward healing.
Living with Hope
Grief is hard. Moving forward is hard. But we are not alone. God walks with us through every tear, through every moment of questioning. And in Him, we have hope—not just for today, but for eternity.
So, as we continue on, let’s cherish life, love well, and trust that one day, we will see our loved ones again in Christ.
